E3 2017: Bethesdaland Devolves

Once upon a time, there was a video. It told a strange story of a strange land populated by strange characters... Characters like Bethesda Softworks' Executive VP, Pete Hines, who appeared for about five minutes split between the start and the end of the conference. Oh, and there was disembodied voice man, who narrated our tour through "Bethesdaland," a bizarre theme park obviously designed by the same people who made the old Blockbuster Video customer service training courses.

There were tales of VR game expansions and card games that are ironically played without an actual deck of cards. There was talk of a paid modding kit called the Creator's Club, which enables players to purchase user-created content for games like Skyrim. There was Fallout 4 in VR, which is cool, and Doom in VFR, because Doom should be released on every platform known to man, and rightfully so.

Oh, and there was a guy dressed like Link from the Legend of Zelda on a horse in Skyrim, because MODS.

Anywho, there was a Quake: Champions video, featuring a bunch of gamers being presented to us like they're athletes. I wish I could be as cool as them! But instead, I'm lame. So lame that I never played Quake or Skyrim for that matter. Or Dishonored 2, but I heard it was good, so... Yeah. There's an expansion coming out for the game, so that's neat.

Finally, we have two games in the pipeline that do look kind of cool. The first is The Evil Within 2, which was given the slick cinematic trailer treatment. It was creepy and disgusting and weird and I kind of want it.

Finally, we had an eight and a half minute-long video of Wolfenstein 2, which does look very good. Surprisingly polished, too. I hope we see more of this game over the course of the week.

Alright, one last thing: I'm gonna leave you with this video of the Devolver Digital "press conference," which was pretty much the greatest damn thing I've seen come out of this E3 so far. Happy gaming, everyone!