Musings From the Dark Side

Well, it’s been a while since I wrote on this blog, hasn’t it? Initially, I wanted to address a concern of mine that’s been stuck in my head a bit lately; namely, shallowness and the concept of beauty in this society of ours, but I think I’ll save that for another time. Instead, I thought I’d just give you, dear reader, an update as to my current state of mind and situation. As always, life feels like a series of setbacks and opportunities and the horrifying moat of confusion that inevitably separates the two. I’ve been extremely lucky, in that things have sort of settled down after my 18-month-long sojourn into the state of high-functioning depression we all sort of nonchalantly refer to as “unrequited love,” as if it was some kind of adolescent foolishness. I find that term almost demeaning, like we’re belittling the way the person actually going through all of that anguish feels. I’ve had so many people give me such sage advice as “Get over it, buddy!” Were it only so easy… But I di...

I am not who I was. Before all of this. Before her. I used to know myself. Used to have a good idea, anyway. I believed in something greater. I don’t think I do anymore. When I met her, I opened my heart. It was amazing. And frightening. And surreal. And glorious. She was so bright. So luminous. I thought that, if only I spoke to her… Maybe that brightness would become part of me. For a time, it did. For a brief moment, I felt… whole. We laughed. We played. We smiled. I loved her. She was everything to me. I am not who I was. I don’t feel what I felt. Where once there was peace… And joy… Now, there is only sorrow. Loneliness. Anguish. The pain of change. The price of transformation. The cost of love. My heart was once full. Now it is empty. There is a void. I cannot fill it. Not yet. No one told me that it would be like this. No one told me moving on would be so hard. I didn’t know the cost. Now I pay the price. When will it end? I am not wh...

Well, it's certainly been a while since I've written something on this blog, hasn't it? So I've decided it's time to take stock of the way things have gone for the past month and a half or so. On the positive side, I feel like I have sort of regained my emotional equilibrium. It's been a long road, and definitely a difficult one, but it's also been an intriguing process. To add some context, let me take you back to the main issue I was facing. You see, I met a young woman over the past year or so who changed my life. She was a very special person, and she meant more to me than most of the people I've met in my life. She was vibrant, passionate, strong, beautiful, and absolutely hilarious. Yep. She threw me for a loop, alright. Anyway, long story short, I loved her. Or more accurately, I really liked her. She seemed like the kind of person I could see myself with. But, as always, things were not as clear cut as they seemed. I've a...

May 7, 2016 Sometimes life surprises you in ways you don’t expect. Yesterday, I went to therapy. It was my second session, and I desperately needed it. You see, the past week hasn’t been rainbows and lollipops for me. Well, the past couple months, really. Hence the therapy. Anyway, without going too deep into it, sometimes talking your feelings out with a professional is a very good thing, and can offer a perspective you may not see on your own. We all get caught up in our own stuff, whether it be work-related stress or things that happen at home. I urge you to seek help if you need it. I certainly did. Before going on, though, I want to reminisce about one of my favorite scenes in Spider-Man 2, starring Tobey Maguire and directed by the great Sam Raimi. In this particular scene, there was no action, no explosions, not even a guy in a costume. Instead, there was a table and three chairs, occupied by Peter Parker (Maguire), Dr. Otto Octavius (the perfectly cast Alfred Mo...