Love and Civil Wars
May 7, 2016
Sometimes life surprises you in ways you don’t expect.
Yesterday, I went to therapy. It was my second session, and I desperately needed it. You see, the past week hasn’t been rainbows and lollipops for me. Well, the past couple months, really. Hence the therapy.
Anyway, without going too deep into it, sometimes talking your feelings out with a professional is a very good thing, and can offer a perspective you may not see on your own. We all get caught up in our own stuff, whether it be work-related stress or things that happen at home. I urge you to seek help if you need it.
I certainly did.
Before going on, though, I want to reminisce about one of my favorite scenes in Spider-Man 2, starring Tobey Maguire and directed by the great Sam Raimi. In this particular scene, there was no action, no explosions, not even a guy in a costume. Instead, there was a table and three chairs, occupied by Peter Parker (Maguire), Dr. Otto Octavius (the perfectly cast Alfred Molina), and his wife, Rosie (Donna Murphy). They’re sitting down to a meal and having a conversation, the lighting is warm, Peter hangs on every word his ill-fated mentor is saying, and it’s one of the most beautifully acted scenes in the entire film. It doesn’t feel scripted, either. It seems real and raw, as if it was discovered perfectly in the moment.
And just what were they talking about? Oh, yeah, Einstein’s theory of relativity, which Otto had tried to explain to Rosie when they were in college, and poetry. Finally, they spoke about love. Then came the takeaway quote of the scene, as Otto tells Peter, “If you keep something as complicated as love inside, it can make you sick.”
And that’s the thing, right there. Love, in all its myriad forms and permutations, is amazing, and wonderful, and life-affirming, and beautiful. But it wants to be free. It wants to just… be. Try to lock it down, and it can turn against you.
That, my friends, is what happened to me. It’s one of the main reasons I started this blog, and why I’m going to therapy. I’m trying to be open to life's mysteries, and I’m trying to understand myself. To be able to accept my vulnerabilities as well as my strengths. Life is but a journey, after all. We already know the destination, but how we get there is “the worthier part,” as another wise character once said in a favorite show of mine (shout out to my fellow Browncoats).
Getting back to the main point of this post, I feel like I’ve been at war with myself over the past year. Part of it was the normal stuff of living, but the big reason was because of the feelings I had been holding inside myself.
You see, I’ve known many interesting, unique, and special people in my time on this earth, but I’ve never quite known anyone like… her. And yesterday, after speaking with my therapist about it, and going through some exercises, I came to a decision.
I told her how I felt. Let me tell ya, that was downright terrifying, and I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience after I did it. I had to remind myself to breathe. It was the strangest feeling…
But y’know what? I’m still here. She’s still here. We’re still friends, and that’s all I really want. The intensity of those emotions was killing me, and now I feel more at peace. It's a start, anyway. I guess it’s like they told us in elementary school: “Honesty really is the best policy.” Provided it’s within reason, of course.
Before I finish, I’d like to make a few spoiler-free comments about Captain America: Civil War. First, the movie is a lot of fun, and definitely one of the better Marvel films released thus far. Second, I thought the performances are excellent, though the villain of the piece was even more superfluous than usual. Third, the music was stellar this time out. Composer Henry Jackman turned in a markedly improved orchestral score this time out, and I say that as a fan of his work on Winter Soldier. Fourth, there were some characters who pretty much stole this film; namely, Black Panther, Spider-Man, and Ant-Man. I won't say how they do it, but they all had awesome moments in the film.
Finally, let’s talk about the central conflict of the film (again, without spoilers), which concerned the dueling philosophies of Tony Stark and Steve Rogers. In my view, the film did a better job of framing both of their perspectives in a fair-minded way than the comic book miniseries ever did. I understood both men, and I thought they both made excellent points about the idea of power and how to wield and handle it. Both men were flawed, as well. With Rogers, the Achilles heel was his old friend, Bucky Barnes, warped and corrupted nearly beyond repair by forces outside his control. For Stark, it’s his guilt over continuing his father’s weapons development, as well as the PTSD he copes with in the wake of Avengers and Iron Man 3. Combine that with the fact that he was culpable in the creation of Ultron, as well as the destruction of Sokovia and his disintegrating relationship with Pepper Potts, and you've got a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist with a guilt complex that almost matches the size of his ego. To stave off his emotional devastation, as well as (in his view) inevitable threats from world governments in response to a dangerous accident in the film'stars opening sequence, Tony forms an alliance with the United Nations, who propose the idea that superheroes like the Avengers must be reined in and held accountable. It's not, I think, an unreasonable idea.
In my view, the battles that Iron Man and Captain America faced came from both internal and external sources. Rogers faced enemies that were largely external as he attempted to protect and shelter his beloved friend, and his position was eminently logical. Cap has always been a symbol of freedom, and his point of view in the film coincided with his personality as we've seen it develop through the previous Captain America movies. He's also the moral center of the Marvel universe, and as such, his attitude here makes sense. Over the course of the film, he comes to realize that the battle with Iron Man is merely a smokescreen. The real enemy lurks in the shadows, and possibly within the corridors of political power.
For Stark, a privileged man who’s had his humongous ego knocked down a peg or three since he became Iron Man, the battles were against a mixture of internal and external adversaries. Personally, I love damaged characters, and Tony Stark might just be Marvel Studios’ patron saint of the emotionally conflicted. He’s a man at war with himself as much as he’s in a fistfight with Cap and Bucky. He’s also clearly at the end of his rope, emotionally and mentally. And that's why, as much as I understood Cap's reasoning and appreciated his perspective, I also empathized with Tony a lot. I know what it's like to be hanging by a thread, to be so mentally and emotionally exhausted that every last nerve is frayed to the point of snapping.
I know how it feels when someone asks, "Are you okay?" and the only answer you can come up with is, "I'm always okay," when all you really want to say is "Hell no! I'm actually two seconds from burying my face in my hands, crying my eyes out, screaming at inanimate objects, and firing a continuous repulsor beam throughout this entire complex until it all collapses." Yeah, Tony Stark was definitely not okay in this movie, and that was why he made all the mistakes he did.
Look, I’m not even going to say whose side I’m on, because that’s just marketing BS. All I am going to say is to see the movie, and then decide for yourself. And maybe try to look a little deeper than the advertising department tells you to. You will be rewarded for your efforts.
On top of all of that, it’s just a big ol’ fun summer action flick. And who doesn’t love those?
Oh, and if you guys are looking for a fun game to play this weekend, try Blizzard’s Overwatch! It’s in open beta and free to play until May 10, and it’s definitely worth your time. The visuals are great, and I love the character designs (particularly Tracer, who is my personal fave) and music a lot.
See you next time, friends! And Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms out there!
Sometimes life surprises you in ways you don’t expect.
Yesterday, I went to therapy. It was my second session, and I desperately needed it. You see, the past week hasn’t been rainbows and lollipops for me. Well, the past couple months, really. Hence the therapy.
Anyway, without going too deep into it, sometimes talking your feelings out with a professional is a very good thing, and can offer a perspective you may not see on your own. We all get caught up in our own stuff, whether it be work-related stress or things that happen at home. I urge you to seek help if you need it.
I certainly did.
Before going on, though, I want to reminisce about one of my favorite scenes in Spider-Man 2, starring Tobey Maguire and directed by the great Sam Raimi. In this particular scene, there was no action, no explosions, not even a guy in a costume. Instead, there was a table and three chairs, occupied by Peter Parker (Maguire), Dr. Otto Octavius (the perfectly cast Alfred Molina), and his wife, Rosie (Donna Murphy). They’re sitting down to a meal and having a conversation, the lighting is warm, Peter hangs on every word his ill-fated mentor is saying, and it’s one of the most beautifully acted scenes in the entire film. It doesn’t feel scripted, either. It seems real and raw, as if it was discovered perfectly in the moment.
And just what were they talking about? Oh, yeah, Einstein’s theory of relativity, which Otto had tried to explain to Rosie when they were in college, and poetry. Finally, they spoke about love. Then came the takeaway quote of the scene, as Otto tells Peter, “If you keep something as complicated as love inside, it can make you sick.”
And that’s the thing, right there. Love, in all its myriad forms and permutations, is amazing, and wonderful, and life-affirming, and beautiful. But it wants to be free. It wants to just… be. Try to lock it down, and it can turn against you.
That, my friends, is what happened to me. It’s one of the main reasons I started this blog, and why I’m going to therapy. I’m trying to be open to life's mysteries, and I’m trying to understand myself. To be able to accept my vulnerabilities as well as my strengths. Life is but a journey, after all. We already know the destination, but how we get there is “the worthier part,” as another wise character once said in a favorite show of mine (shout out to my fellow Browncoats).
Getting back to the main point of this post, I feel like I’ve been at war with myself over the past year. Part of it was the normal stuff of living, but the big reason was because of the feelings I had been holding inside myself.
You see, I’ve known many interesting, unique, and special people in my time on this earth, but I’ve never quite known anyone like… her. And yesterday, after speaking with my therapist about it, and going through some exercises, I came to a decision.
I told her how I felt. Let me tell ya, that was downright terrifying, and I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience after I did it. I had to remind myself to breathe. It was the strangest feeling…
But y’know what? I’m still here. She’s still here. We’re still friends, and that’s all I really want. The intensity of those emotions was killing me, and now I feel more at peace. It's a start, anyway. I guess it’s like they told us in elementary school: “Honesty really is the best policy.” Provided it’s within reason, of course.
Before I finish, I’d like to make a few spoiler-free comments about Captain America: Civil War. First, the movie is a lot of fun, and definitely one of the better Marvel films released thus far. Second, I thought the performances are excellent, though the villain of the piece was even more superfluous than usual. Third, the music was stellar this time out. Composer Henry Jackman turned in a markedly improved orchestral score this time out, and I say that as a fan of his work on Winter Soldier. Fourth, there were some characters who pretty much stole this film; namely, Black Panther, Spider-Man, and Ant-Man. I won't say how they do it, but they all had awesome moments in the film.
Finally, let’s talk about the central conflict of the film (again, without spoilers), which concerned the dueling philosophies of Tony Stark and Steve Rogers. In my view, the film did a better job of framing both of their perspectives in a fair-minded way than the comic book miniseries ever did. I understood both men, and I thought they both made excellent points about the idea of power and how to wield and handle it. Both men were flawed, as well. With Rogers, the Achilles heel was his old friend, Bucky Barnes, warped and corrupted nearly beyond repair by forces outside his control. For Stark, it’s his guilt over continuing his father’s weapons development, as well as the PTSD he copes with in the wake of Avengers and Iron Man 3. Combine that with the fact that he was culpable in the creation of Ultron, as well as the destruction of Sokovia and his disintegrating relationship with Pepper Potts, and you've got a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist with a guilt complex that almost matches the size of his ego. To stave off his emotional devastation, as well as (in his view) inevitable threats from world governments in response to a dangerous accident in the film'stars opening sequence, Tony forms an alliance with the United Nations, who propose the idea that superheroes like the Avengers must be reined in and held accountable. It's not, I think, an unreasonable idea.
In my view, the battles that Iron Man and Captain America faced came from both internal and external sources. Rogers faced enemies that were largely external as he attempted to protect and shelter his beloved friend, and his position was eminently logical. Cap has always been a symbol of freedom, and his point of view in the film coincided with his personality as we've seen it develop through the previous Captain America movies. He's also the moral center of the Marvel universe, and as such, his attitude here makes sense. Over the course of the film, he comes to realize that the battle with Iron Man is merely a smokescreen. The real enemy lurks in the shadows, and possibly within the corridors of political power.
For Stark, a privileged man who’s had his humongous ego knocked down a peg or three since he became Iron Man, the battles were against a mixture of internal and external adversaries. Personally, I love damaged characters, and Tony Stark might just be Marvel Studios’ patron saint of the emotionally conflicted. He’s a man at war with himself as much as he’s in a fistfight with Cap and Bucky. He’s also clearly at the end of his rope, emotionally and mentally. And that's why, as much as I understood Cap's reasoning and appreciated his perspective, I also empathized with Tony a lot. I know what it's like to be hanging by a thread, to be so mentally and emotionally exhausted that every last nerve is frayed to the point of snapping.
I know how it feels when someone asks, "Are you okay?" and the only answer you can come up with is, "I'm always okay," when all you really want to say is "Hell no! I'm actually two seconds from burying my face in my hands, crying my eyes out, screaming at inanimate objects, and firing a continuous repulsor beam throughout this entire complex until it all collapses." Yeah, Tony Stark was definitely not okay in this movie, and that was why he made all the mistakes he did.
Look, I’m not even going to say whose side I’m on, because that’s just marketing BS. All I am going to say is to see the movie, and then decide for yourself. And maybe try to look a little deeper than the advertising department tells you to. You will be rewarded for your efforts.
On top of all of that, it’s just a big ol’ fun summer action flick. And who doesn’t love those?
Oh, and if you guys are looking for a fun game to play this weekend, try Blizzard’s Overwatch! It’s in open beta and free to play until May 10, and it’s definitely worth your time. The visuals are great, and I love the character designs (particularly Tracer, who is my personal fave) and music a lot.
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| Here's Tracer! |
See you next time, friends! And Happy Mother’s Day to all you moms out there!
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