The Journey So Far, Part Three: Adjustments and Acceptance

April 19, 2016

Big changes happen in small moments.

Two of my best friends from the Blockbuster days, Natalie and Xylena.
I'm in the middle. Naturally.

At least, that’s what I’ve come to believe. When we left off in the last post, I mentioned a very miniscule, mundane encounter that left a big impact on me, and I wanted to expand on that idea. I think that we human beings crave connection. We’re social creatures by nature. I mean, I’m not a sociologist or psychologist or anything ending in “-ist,” but I can see it, even in myself. That being said, I was a very solitary person, and I still enjoy my “alone time,” especially these days. Particularly after a hard day at work. 

There was, however, something missing in my life. When that young woman said hello to me, I suddenly knew what it was. 

It was connection.

When I was coasting through my existence, I didn’t know what I was missing. I wasn’t really even aware of it, but the fact is that isolating oneself is not good for the soul. In fact, it’s downright bad, and the only real reason I did it was because I was “living” (if you could call it that) in constant fear and shame. 

But here’s the thing: so much of that fear and anxiety and shame was self-inflicted. I had a lesson to learn that I was not entirely cognizant of at the time, which was that I wasn’t the center of the universe (I know, I’m as shocked as you are). People were not actually judging me as I walked down the street because they had bigger fish to fry, and their own problems to solve. When I became aware of that, most of my fear and social anxiety melted away. 

One of my best Barnes buddies, Cori!

So, now we go back to that small, mundane act of kindness in that drab, gray stairwell. In that singular moment, I suddenly realized how important it was to be more than just polite to others. I re-learned the value of kindness, and I made the conscientious decision to try to be nicer to others, and more sociable.

I also decided to look for a job, and about a year and a half later, I got one at the local Blockbuster Video, which was my first non-family-business position. And it was there, in that store, that I learned about customer service, both the good and the bad aspects. You know what I’m talking about.

Anyway, that job put me in touch with some of the most wonderful people I’ve ever met, many of whom remain in contact with me to this very day (like the people pictured above, for instance)! I also learned much more about movies than I’d ever known, and I met people who had a lot of the same interests I did. Video games, films, TV shows, comics, anime… These were the things we all loved, and working at BB gave me the opportunity to share some of my opinions and passion for the things I enjoy. 

I stayed with that company for three years, and in that time, I was lucky enough to cultivate friendships with some truly awesome individuals. Afterward, when I transitioned into working at Walmart, I found the adjustment period a lot easier in terms of dealing with customer service and handling myself in public. I’ve gotten a lot better at curtailing my social anxiety, and I feel a lot more comfortable around people than I ever have before. 

Check it out, I made a new friend at Kawaii Kon! Hi, Ellie!

In short, it’s taken me a long time to become my own authentic self, and indeed, I’m still very much a work-in-progress. I still struggle with bouts of self-hatred, but I definitely feel like inner peace is within reach, and is something attainable.

Finally, I’d be remiss if I didn’t discuss the trials and successes of the past thirteen months, so here goes. Since late March 2015, I’ve been a barista at Starbucks. This is a job I really didn’t feel confident I’d be able to succeed at doing, but I’ve been there a little over a year, and I feel like it’s because of the people I’ve worked with. The job itself is challenging, but it’s creative, allows for customer interaction, and it requires skill to do well. I’m quite happy at my store, and that’s a hugely positive thing.

Still, the real reason I stick with it is the people I work with. Like my time at Blockbuster, Barnes & Noble, and Walmart before it, working at Starbucks has given me an opportunity to get to know some of the most incredible people I have ever met. People who accept me for who I am, and who challenge me to be better everyday. Not to get overly sentimental, but I really do love each and every one of my friends, and when they’re around, I know I’m loved.

Part of my Starbucks fam, to whom I'd like to dedicate this post.
Also, we miss you, Krissy!

And that, my friends, brings us to this moment in time. Y’know, I started this blog as an exercise, a way to work out some feelings I was dealing with on Sunday evening. I mean, that’s an understatement. I was wigging out over something (it was silly, so I’m not going into detail), so I turned to writing all of these posts. It’s been very therapeutic for me, and I hope you’ve had fun reading them.

So, here’s the ultimate moral of the story: whatever you do, be kind to one another. Spread goodness in the world, and open yourself up to others. Be there for each other. And if you see a seemingly lonely person quietly standing by themselves or doing menial labor by themselves, maybe take a moment to say hi to them. Perhaps that tiny, mundane act will change their life. You never know.

Until next time... See you, space cowboy.