Musings From the Dark Side

I have been remiss in updating this blog, and for that, I do apologize. I could say that life has gotten in the way, or that I've been extremely busy, or that I've been ill over the past month and needed time to rest. All of these excuses would be true, to some extent. However, what it really comes down to is this: I'm honestly feeling a bit tapped out, like I haven't had much to say. Dealing with the stuff of everyday living, plus the cold that I had for, like, a month, plus the death of one of my family’s pets, plus upgrading my phone and my mother’s phone and setting up a new laptop for the family to use, plus the craziness at work… Well, ain't much time for blogging after all that. Given all that, and the fact that I have a week-long (more or less) break from my job coming up in a few days, as well as the zany video game fun that is E3 (aka the Electronic Entertainment Expo) happening next week as well, I figured it’d be a good time to start updating. Sti...

Wow, it has been a while, hasn’t it? After the rather tumultuous year that was 2016, I've struggled to think of a good first post of 2017 on this blog, and it's something I've honestly been avoiding over the past few months. But now, in the opening week of my birth month (sounds melodramatic, doesn't it?), I think it's time to take stock of where I am personally, and mention some events I'm going to attend this weekend. Spoilers ahead, just to give fair warning! First, though, let's discuss something fun: Gilmore Girls , one of my favorite television shows of all time, and I say that without irony or shame. The comedic timing displayed by the cast is legendary, and Amy Sherman-Palladino’s rhythmic dialogue and rapid-fire snark is some of the finest I've ever heard in a TV show this side of Joss Whedon’s work. For six seasons, the show dramatically and humorously detailed the trials and tribulations of the mother/daughter team of Lorelai and R...

Well, it’s been a while since I wrote on this blog, hasn’t it? Initially, I wanted to address a concern of mine that’s been stuck in my head a bit lately; namely, shallowness and the concept of beauty in this society of ours, but I think I’ll save that for another time. Instead, I thought I’d just give you, dear reader, an update as to my current state of mind and situation. As always, life feels like a series of setbacks and opportunities and the horrifying moat of confusion that inevitably separates the two. I’ve been extremely lucky, in that things have sort of settled down after my 18-month-long sojourn into the state of high-functioning depression we all sort of nonchalantly refer to as “unrequited love,” as if it was some kind of adolescent foolishness. I find that term almost demeaning, like we’re belittling the way the person actually going through all of that anguish feels. I’ve had so many people give me such sage advice as “Get over it, buddy!” Were it only so easy… But I di...

I am not who I was. Before all of this. Before her. I used to know myself. Used to have a good idea, anyway. I believed in something greater. I don’t think I do anymore. When I met her, I opened my heart. It was amazing. And frightening. And surreal. And glorious. She was so bright. So luminous. I thought that, if only I spoke to her… Maybe that brightness would become part of me. For a time, it did. For a brief moment, I felt… whole. We laughed. We played. We smiled. I loved her. She was everything to me. I am not who I was. I don’t feel what I felt. Where once there was peace… And joy… Now, there is only sorrow. Loneliness. Anguish. The pain of change. The price of transformation. The cost of love. My heart was once full. Now it is empty. There is a void. I cannot fill it. Not yet. No one told me that it would be like this. No one told me moving on would be so hard. I didn’t know the cost. Now I pay the price. When will it end? I am not wh...

By Keona Tang, @KeonaTang I wanted to try something a little bit different with this post, since this blog has dealt with a lot of the events of the past year and a half of my life. Rather than focusing on all of that stuff, I'd like to talk about one of my lifetime obsessions: comic books. More specifically, the cinematic adaptations of said comics, one of which has just opened this weekend amidst a cavalcade of relentless criticism. I am, of course, talking about writer/director David Ayer’s take on the classic DC Comics supervillain team called Task Force X, also known as the more provocatively named Suicide Squad . But wait, did I say supervillain team?!? Why, yes, I did, but there is more to the concept than meets the eye. The modern comic book incarnation of the team began in 1987, and was heavily inspired by the World War II drama, The Dirty Dozen. DC’s creative team on the book, led by such legendary talents as John Ostrander, Len Wein, and John Byrne, came up w...

Well, it's certainly been a while since I've written something on this blog, hasn't it? So I've decided it's time to take stock of the way things have gone for the past month and a half or so. On the positive side, I feel like I have sort of regained my emotional equilibrium. It's been a long road, and definitely a difficult one, but it's also been an intriguing process. To add some context, let me take you back to the main issue I was facing. You see, I met a young woman over the past year or so who changed my life. She was a very special person, and she meant more to me than most of the people I've met in my life. She was vibrant, passionate, strong, beautiful, and absolutely hilarious. Yep. She threw me for a loop, alright. Anyway, long story short, I loved her. Or more accurately, I really liked her. She seemed like the kind of person I could see myself with. But, as always, things were not as clear cut as they seemed. I've a...

Friday, May 27, 2016 I am not okay. I’ve come to this realization over many years of searching, questioning, and introspection. It seems to me that life is a series of losses, and the aftermath of those experiences are the things that define us as individuals. Dealing with loss and grief is universal, as much a part of life as breathing and eating. For instance, the death of a loved one is always traumatic and overwhelming. There often is the horrible pain and suffering that the person went through, its effects on the person’s family members, and the arrangements that must be made after the person is gone. I have been through this a few times in my life, as I’m sure all of you reading this have, and I still feel the void that my grandmother, grandfather, grand-uncle, and aunt left in my life, even years later. I can even feel the loss of my pet dog who passed on ten years ago. I don’t think that pain ever goes away. Even though death is probably the major source of these ...